Okay, two internet gems in the same 24 hours.

The first jewel came last night while looking for drum equipment on Amazon. I went to read the reviews for the Remo Falam Slam Pad Kevlar Bass Drum Patch (2 Pack), and the top review takes the cake:

I placed these over my nipples as two bulletproof shields. Adhesive was strong, even through my panicked nipple sweat. Some backstory: my county has been plagued by “The Nipple Shooter,” whose perversion you can likely guess from context. However, upon encountering the fiend, my nipples remained unscathed. 10/10 would recommend for nipple-based assailants.

And this snippet from a New York Times story about the fracking controversy in Colorado:

Text from the article:

The people that oppose this industry, they treat us as if we’re really evil,” said Cody Doane, 45, a service specialist who stood with his twins, Everleigh Halli and Adler Burton — named for the company that had given their family everything: Halliburton.